waiting {a post on patience and trust and contentment}

I wrote this post on Tuesday after a particularly hard night. I've been sitting on it all week, unsure if I should post it & making sure my heart still was aligned with what I said at the end. I still feel confident putting this out there as the desire of my heart. It's not for sympathy. Just want to record what God (and my husband) have been impressing on me in the waiting. 

It's been 46 days. Our condo has been sitting on the market for forty-six days. We've had five showings. 

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant with our second child. 

That means we have approximately six weeks to sell this condo and buy a new place. 

I'm stressed. I'm anxious. I'm feeling hopeless. 

I keep going over how we'll make it work if we don't sell on time. I cry when I think about it. We live in a fourth-floor walk-up. I know it's such a typical #firstworldproblems situation. But I still can't stop crying. Maybe it's the hormones. Yes. We'll say it's the hormones. 

I sat on my couch this morning after another sleepless night staring down at my Bible, frantically searching for some sort of reassurance from The Lord. My eyes and brain weren't connecting to the pages.

You know how stuff around your house gets so familiar that you barely notice it anymore? I made a wall hanging a few years ago that quotes a favourite verse from Habakkuk:

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation." (3:18)

I glanced up and noticed it, for the first time in a while. YET. Yet. Three little letters with powerful gusto behind them. Jordan's been trying to tell me how I need to trust that things will work out. I've asked "How?" more times than I care to admit on the internet. I know God cares for his children - I know the promises of the Bible and the command to trust and to throw your anxieties on Him. But it's taking a lot of convincing my heart to truly believe. 

It's time for my head and my heart to connect. Timing isn't an issue for God. He's done a lot more amazing things than getting families moved out of their house "on time". 

I breathe in. I breathe out. I can't control who comes to see our place or when it will sell. But I can be content and joyful despite stressful circumstances. That's totally in my control because The Lord of my salvation has promised to take care of us. 

I will still hope for a quick sale and that we can find a new place before baby arrives - as unlikely as that seems - but I can't let this control my joy. It will be a daily decision but I want to learn how to do that well. I know it won't be an overnight transformation but my heart is open to change.