in a flash {a motherhood moment}

This morning I had a moment where I realized how quickly time is passing. I peeked around the corner into the living room while I was making breakfast to see O building a train out of Duplo. When I peeked again he had it all put together and was pushing it around .. "choo choo!" 

How did he get so big? This was the baby that I thought would never sit up on his own ... And now he can open a box of Duplo, build a train and drag it around? What? 

This was the baby I brought home from the hospital and felt so overwhelmed by ... Now he's going to be a big brother. He's so caring and nurturing with babies and is such a big kid. 

I just stood there watching with this silly grin on my face. In the midst of the hard things that parenting a toddler brings, I treasured this sweet moment of progress and it felt wonderful. It hasn't been an easy road thus far but I am so thankful for this little boy and the adventure he brings wherever he goes. 

Cherish these tiny moments of joy - they're gone in a flash (as cliche as that sounds). Lesson learned today before breakfast. 

hold 'em close {a hard lesson in motherhood}

I've been debating about posting this as it shows me at a pretty raw moment in mothering. But I want to make this blog more of a place of encouragement and real-life stuff rather than only fun, surface level posts. I've been reading another blog lately that has really challenged me as a mom and wife and I really appreciate her writing and honesty. So I want to be upfront about the challenges of life while still sharing fun and pretty things as well. We will see how this turns out. {Also: Sorry for being MIA for so long....}
It happened about a week ago. I was rushing around in the morning trying to get ready for work while simultaneously trying to get O ready to go to his grandma's for the day. There's so much to do and I keep telling myself I'll prep more the night before but that just doesn't happen. We were both clothed and I was working on lunch for myself and snacks to send along with O when I snapped. Completely snapped.
I'd made breakfast, which he threw over the edge of his high chair spraying oatmeal across my dining room and up the leg of my clean pants. I cleaned up the mess with a paper towel because none of my cloths were clean and I'd changed. I took him out of his high chair and he just followed me around, crying and whining and throwing himself on the floor. I knew in my head it was typical toddler stuff but I was so done already. I was tired after not sleeping well and I just wanted to crawl back into bed while also wishing to escape to the office where things were easy, where I was good at what I do and where my child wasn't. I felt awful. But also relieved that it was almost 7:40 so we could start heading out. Then he proceeded to start pinching my legs as I tried to work around him and finally I stopped, looked down at him and yelled: "I am getting ready to spank you so hard!"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I was so ashamed. He is one. He was so shocked by my outburst that he just crumpled to the floor and cried. I looked down at him, and my earthly self wanted to just walk away. I was so frustrated. But with some strength that was not of me, I bent down, swept him up in my arms and just hugged him so tight. I wanted him to know that I loved him and that he was safe. I hope he knew. He hugged me back and it was the best feeling in the world. I looked at the clock. 7:39. I decided that we just needed a minute. We sat on the couch and cuddled for five. It was worth it.
I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was so busy that I totally ignored what my child needed from me - just some love. A simple five minute snuggle and he would have been good to go. I probably could have got a lot more done if I'd just taken the time to hold him close. It was a lesson I won't forget - I'm trying to work in a little cuddling each morning, even if it's only for a few seconds. He mostly wants to "go go go" anyway. But I just want to take time out from the chaos of life to really love and be there. O is a pretty independent little guy but I know he still needs me when he lifts his small hands up towards me and rests in my arms when I pick him up. I am challenged to treasure these moments because I know they'll be gone without warning.
It also makes me thankful for the love of Christ and how it goes against all human understanding. Our sins make him so angry yet he sweeps us up and holds us close. He wants to be the place where we rest. I hope to be the outpouring of that incredible love on my own son because he doesn't know Jesus as his Saviour yet. How great a privilege that we as moms and dads have to show Jesus to our kids every day! Would I not take this lightly but be intentional in my interactions and turn to the Lord in all struggle.
He holds me tight so I can in turn hold my baby close in the midst of this crazy life.

taco rice bowl {in the kitchen}

On the way home from work the other day, I was trying to conjure up a new dinner dish using ground beef. Spaghetti and chili were getting a bit old and besides, Oakley doesn't like tomato sauce {seriously. What kid doesn't like spaghetti?!}. I really liked the idea of tacos but we didn't have any tortillas or shells so I started thinking about putting it over rice. I love rice bowls and I love tacos. A good combination, I'd say!

Here's what I did:

Ingredients - 

2 lb ground beef

1/2 onion

1/2 red pepper

2 cups chopped fresh spinach

1 cup halved cherry tomatoes

1/2 cubed avocado

1 cup diced cucumber

taco seasoning

1 cup cooked rice

ranch dressing 

salsa

Brown beef with onion and pepper. Season to taste with taco seasoning.

Meanwhile, start cooking rice. {Invest in a rice cooker if you haven't already ... it's my favourite kitchen appliance!}

While things are browning and cooking, chop spinach, tomatoes, avocado and cucumber. 

Put rice in bowl, spoon beef mixture over rice & top with veggies and desired sauce {if any}.

It was a healthy, filling supper that really turned out well! 

mini aprons {a sewing, DIY post}

This month, I decided to sew a couple little aprons for some sweet girls in my life. One had a birthday {three years old!} and the other was for Christmas {my adorable niece}. I used my high school home-ec knowledge {and skills. MAD skills} and made my own pattern out of kraft paper. I used a simple cotton fabric and double-wide bias tape for the strings. I also cut out some heart shapes for cute little pockets. I forgot to take measurements before I wrapped them up but here are some pictures ... MINI aprons. How much cuter can you get??

Little heart pockets for cute little hands!

Pink dotted aprons for playing or helping in the kitchen!

I loved using my {grandma's} sewing machine ... it felt good to make something!

stripes, cords & leopards {a work outfit post}

I work in a great office where our dress code is pretty casual. We can wear {nice} jeans if we want but are free to dress it up whenever we feel like it. I often wear nice pants {non-denim} and then get creative with my top{s} and accessories. It's a fun change from my at-home wardrobe and a chance to come up with some different ideas or try out things I've seen in magazines or online. This outfit is from a couple weeks ago. The concept of stripes and animal print has been done before, but I just liked how this whole combo came together. Plus I had just got these awesome green cords in the mail and had to make an outfit to include them!

Details:

Cords - GAP 

Cardigan - Banana Republic

Striped Tank - GAP

Grey Tank - Old Navy

Leopard Flats - Payless

Necklace - ALDO

anchors aweigh! {a birthday bash post}

Did you know that that's the right way to spell "anchors aweigh"? It's not "anchors away" like so many people write. I was blown away when researching "sailor terminology" for O's birthday party. (Yes, I am that nerdy mom.) We planned a nautical party for him (of course) and I had so much fun. Lots of things were Pinterest-inspired and I was happy with how it all turned out! Here's a look at our little man's big day …

Fishbowls and vases full of candy and treats for our guests. 

(I had wanted to tie all of them around but the fishbowls were a bit TOO round!)

This clever label is a copy from Pinterest. 

In case your'e wondering, this is how we got blue punch … er, Ocean Water.

Lemonade

Raspberry Lemonade Kool-Aid Mix 

(to make it blue)

Sprite

Mix to taste. 

(Read: my husband made it. I have no idea what sort of portioning he used.)

My ah-may-zing sister-in-law, Justine (who also hosted the party) 

whipped up this chalk art to welcome people.

When she said "I'll write 'Happy Birthday Oakley' …" I was NOT expecting this.

But it was incredible (and VERY much appreciated!)

I made this banner out of construction paper … I had originally planned to cut them into triangles, which is why they aren't square, but ended up liking the rectangle look.

I got those striped bunting banners off Pinterest too. Find them (along with other pretty printables) here.

He loved his cupcake smash. 

Too much. 

It was awesome.

I did a little photo shoot for his birthday.

It took SO long to get this picture because he was so busy just being crazy & bouncing the balloons out of the crib constantly.

Cupcakes!

Chocolate Recipe

White Recipe

Buttercream Recipe

The cupcake liners and toppers are from DOLLARAMA! Yes. You read right. 

My good friend Krista found them for me! 

I took a picture of Oakley every month for a whole year and displayed the pictures at the party. 

It was really cool to see them all together! 

I was so blessed by all the friends and family who came to celebrate with us. We had a good time visiting and eating and eating and eating. (I may have gone a bit overboard on the whole food thing.)

I know Oakley won't remember his first birthday but it was more a celebration for Jordan and I and a chance to show appreciation to those people who helped us through his first year. It was a bit over the top but I was super pleased with it and will probably tone things down for the next few years until he can have an "actual" birthday party with little friends whose parents I don't need to feed too! 

Thanks for taking our little birthday bash tour! 

Time, Expectations and Reality {a birthday-eve post}

Tomorrow is a day that I have been waiting for for an entire year. I have literally counted down months, days, hours. I've been making plans and dreaming of everything this day would bring.
Tomorrow my baby is one. A whole one year old. This year has been the most trying, exhausting, terrible, wonderful, amazing year of my life. Becoming a mom threw me into the steepest learning curve I've ever encountered and I experienced a lot of self-doubt and a lot of tears. But I also learned the joy of loving someone so deeply you would do anything for them, including losing sleep and sanity!
I'll be honest, I built up the one-year mark to be a huge beacon of hope ... when O was one, we would be sleeping twelve wonderful hours every night (we're not). When O was one, he would take a bottle - no problem - and I wouldn't have to nurse him anymore (I'm still nursing and pumping at work because he won't take anything else). When O was one, things would be easy, I'd have it all figured out (I don't). This isn't to be discouraging ... things that were hard when O was small ARE easy now, but each stage brings new challenges. I'm realizing that this "milestone" is just a part of the journey. Yes, it's exciting and wonderful and I look back on this year with awe and a sense of accomplishment. But it's not going to solve all our problems and I'm learning to be OK with that. If I have to pump every day at work for another month or two, I guess that's fine. Eventually things will work themselves out ... right?
If you're a new mom or preparing to welcome a little one into your family for the first time - take heart! Yes, it's difficult. I have not worked very hard at hiding that this year {maybe a little TOO open at times?} But it gets easier ... these struggles you're having now, whether that be feeding, sleeping, loneliness ... you'll learn to cope and you'll get through. I promise. This is coming from someone who honestly didn't know if she'd make it to her son's first birthday. Seriously. Those first months were a dark time for me. And maybe they aren't or won't be for you and that is GREAT. I'm thrilled for you. But if you feel like you're having an out-of-body experience and don't know if you'll ever find your way back to your old self - you're not alone. I want to encourage you and make sure you know that doing your best - even when it seems like you're failing - is all you can do. I'm still learning this lesson. But. I think I'm finally starting to believe it.
I am also starting to be able to look back on this year and see God's faithfulness, his hand in those hard times that carried me through and the lessons he wanted to teach me are beginning to surface. Lessons of selflessness, contentment, a posture of continual prayer before the Throne and a deep dependance on the One who knows my heart and knows exactly what I'm going through. Tough lessons that came through tough times, but I look at my little man and I'm so thankful.
I am truly blessed by this small dude - I love watching him grow and learn. It's such a fun journey. I want to go into this next year not wishing away each day. The days were long but the months flew. I know it's cliche, but enjoying each day and each stage is truly a struggle for me. I'm not a baby person. But he'll only be one once. He will never been one day, one week, one month again. And there are days I miss that time.
Anyway.
Tomorrow. O will be one. And I will take pictures and celebrate. And I'll prep for our big {possibly over-the-top?} party on Saturday. Because it's a big deal. But after Saturday, life goes on as usual. I will continue to work on getting O to drink cow's milk and sleep through the night. And pray. A lot.

Happy Birthday to my spunky, smiley, sweet little boy. We love you.