coffee + comrades {a mom-friend post}

A friend & I just started reading through a book together. (I like doing this with friends - I am going through a different book with a different friend and it’s wonderful. It gives you something deeper to talk about & helps focus a conversation instead of having tons of time for me to just talk - which can end badly, I’ve found lately.)
Anyway, this particular book is about motherhood - the ups & downs but mostly about how Jesus changes you. About how all of this - the messy, the beautiful, the hard - is all for His glory. That’s a difficult thing to wrap my head around. How I can change a diaper & give glory to God. How I can wake up - again - in the middle of the night to administer Tylenol & soothe someone back to sleep after a bad dream to glorify God. It doesn’t seem like the kind of Kingdom work I had imagined as a follower of Christ. But it is. And even if it doesn’t always seem like it - it’s important. I read through this book once already in the fall but it has proved to be one that I can keep coming back to & be refreshed and spurred on. I wanted to bring a friend along for the ride and when I asked - she was quick to jump right in! Woo!
So, I rolled up this morning after school drop-off, we sat at her kitchen table, she poured me an enormous cup of fresh coffee and we chatted about what we liked in the first chapter, what challenged us, how we see this playing out (or having had played out) in our day to day lives. My daughter had two dirty diapers throughout the course of the morning, our boys wanted snacks and we had to fight to keep ourselves on track. But we did it! We got through our first “book club” meeting and had a good conversation (as far as mom conversations go)! We were able to challenge and encourage one another and I was just so dang proud of us for DOING it. Sometimes it feels like having deeper friendships is close to impossible when your kids are little. But man. It’s important. I don’t know what I would do without my friends - mom and not - in these years of wiping noses, diapers and LEGO creations. All the stereotypes are real but I’m so thankful for a community around me who does not settle for commiseration but pushes for Christlikeness as we persevere together.
Really, what I’m trying to say is that I’m just thankful. For friends, for Jesus, and for coffee. It’s a wild ride but it’s teaching & growing me and I am grateful that God gives me comrades on the journey.

This is the book I’m talking about.
Go to their website here.
They also have a podcast!
(This is not an ad - I just REALLY love their ministry to moms!)

donuts + dad-birthdays {a “secret”celebration post}

Today was Jordan’s birthday.
He doesn’t like to be celebrated.
I ignore his wishes pretty much every year.
I mean, it’s probably just a facade that he’s putting on. I’d bet anything. That he, my quiet, introverted husband actually secretly LOVES being the center of attention and is just so delighted when I make a fuss over him for his birthday. Even though he says “it’s just another day”. Don’t believe that for a second.
At least ... that’s what I tell myself when I not-so-secretly try to surprise him for his birthday. I’m sure he’s just overjoyed ...
His birthday weekend also happens to fall on Super Bowl weekend and I forget this pretty much every year as well. So confused about why his friends aren’t able to come hang out with us until one of them clues me in. “I have super bowl plans, sorry!” Riiiiight. I TOTALLY knew that. I usually forge ahead and plan one thing or another.
But ... I worked today & the boys had their once a week sports class so we rolled up to the house right before bedtime & I presented Jordan with Everyday Kitchen donuts as a humble birthday offering. (If you live where I live and don’t know about The Everyday Kitchen or haven’t tried their donuts - drop everything. Go now. Your life will change. I’m serious.) (Ranking from today’s donuts: 3 - Nutella, 2 - Salted Caramel, 1 - Strawberry Cheesecake) (See what I mean? They’re better than they sound.)
We split three between the five of us and it was a perfect little birthday celebration before the kids hit the hay (sugaaarrr craaaashhh).
Now we are watching NCIS & eating chips & that’s probably Jordan’s dream birthday anyway.
Cheers to being in our 30’s & truly loving  low-key birthdays!! We know how to party! 🎉🍩

Sunday {a baby fashion + resolution post}

Every Sunday I am sitting in church and I get this overwhelming sense of determination for the week. I don't know if it's just because my heart is focused on what's true and right and I'm not entertaining thoughts of failure but I feel like I can just go out and conquer whatever comes my way in the next few days. Or maybe it's because I always put a little extra into my Sunday look ... I've always thought it was important ... So I feel better about myself rather than the days where I sport yoga pants and t-shirts all day. Whatever the case, I get extra excited to be home with my kids, be super mom, super wife and super home-maker. 

Monday comes and goes, I go to work, maybe see a friend or squeeze in a workout and then go to bed. 

But then, Tuesday happens. Sometimes on Tuesdays I have something planned. Like grocery shopping or going to a friends. But if I DON'T have something planned, inevitably O will ask ALL day when we are going out, whose house we are going to.... Is Bomp coming over?? And I have a to-do list the length of my arm but can't seem to accomplish anything. Then quiet time comes and instead of being productive, I collapse onto the couch. Then quiet time ends and the all-day nagging for Paw Patrol finally wears me down just so I can have twenty minutes to get something done or enjoy the quiet upstairs. I have often thought that these days require a pulling out your hair emoji. (And my friend texted me that she needed one the other day so I know I'm not alone in this.) Tuesday knocks the wind right out of my super woman sails and I'm left feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and like a failure right before I'm supposed to go and do ministry at youth. Without fail, almost every Tuesday!! 

It was then I realized that maybe this was a tactful approach for someone who didn't want me to be effective in ministry . Who didn't want the word or truth of God to be proclaimed with clarity and without hesitation. And I've resolved to start covering Tuesday and Thursday and Friday and everyday in prayer. I would say a quick "give us a good day" prayer in the morning but rarely pray in the midst of my frustration. I want to BE the mom I want my kids to remember. And I always feel like I'll never attain that ideal Proverbs 31 status. 

I was walking with Jordan yesterday and said something I'd never said before. 

"I often forget that I'm doing my best."

The you-are-your-harshest-critic thing is VERY true here in my mind. I don't give myself grace and therefore it's so hard to extend that to my boys or husband. I don't necessarily like putting stuff like this out there because then people can hold me to it ... But I do want to do this whole thing better. And I know the only way to do that is through the Lord and his strength. It's a matter of mind meeting heart on this one. I know truth in my head but my heart is a little slow to catch up. And as I'm always teaching my youth girls: it's a matter of heart!! 

I need to give up on my super woman tendencies and start aiming for grace and tenderness and love. 

So ... Would my words be gracious and my reactions be loving.  Even when I'm being hounded for Paw Patrol every minute of the day. (Insert pulling out hair emoji here)

Maverick's Room {a work-in-progress post}

When Oakley was born, we brought him home to a fully furnished, beautifully designed, well-thought-out nursery. When we brought Mav home,  he slept in a laundry basket beside my bed for a month because his room was full of junk. I had pinned tons of inspiration pictures for his woodland themed nursery but we had just moved and I was a tad overwhelmed with two kids. 

Slowly, over time, I have added little details and organization and most of the junk is gone, or put in its rightful spot in our house, finally. It's still not 100% done but I was in there today and thought - "it's pretty cute in here". So here are just a few pictures of Mav's nursery. 

This is the norm lately - him crawling away from the camera! I can't seem to get him to sit still long enough! 

Just a short tour but hopefully things come together before his birthday ... Which is in a month! Ah! Time went fast. 

refreshed {a post from my mommy heart}

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

It's been a long couple of months for this mama. We are down to one vehicle because my husband got in an accident (not his fault ... He's okay!) back in early spring with our second vehicle, which we were actually borrowing from his parents, and is a whole other level of unfortunate, but something that doesn't need to be hashed out here. He leaves early in the morning and is off right as nap time ends so, all this to say, I'm at home all day, every day, without a car. At first it was exciting and refreshing, it was nice to have an excuse to stay home, rest, get stuff done. But now I'm all "get me OUTTA here!!" Being one-on-two with a toddler and baby is fun, exhausting and sometimes completely draining. I know that this motherhood thing is a calling of honour, and one that shouldn't be taken lightly but some days I'm just done with it, to be frank and completely honest. I work one day a week outside the home and it's been good but it's also been hard. I feel torn between two worlds, where I'm needed differently in each but one is so much more important and eternal.

I often hit the pillow at night thinking one or all of these things:

1 - WHEN does this get easier? 

2 - HOW do I do this better?

3 - is it even worth it to sleep? I could get so much done between now and M's first wake-up ... (I usually do decide to sleep, which is wise, since I turn into the Wicked Witch of the West when I'm low on sleep. Also a contributing factor to the whole weariness in motherhood thing?)

Tonight we got home from work, fed the kids and got them to bed ... All I wanted to do was collapse on the couch and watch ... The show I've been binge watching lately ... (it's Reba, okay? Don't judge me.) but I was drawn outside to my deck where the air was a wonderful temperature and I could sip tea without feeling hot or it going cold right away. I lit my citronella candle (because the mosquitoes this year are like BIRDS - seriously. They. Are. Huge!!) and opened my Bible. I usually do my quiet time during the boys' nap but evenings are a lot more relaxed because I know that, usually, they are down for a good stretch unlike nap time which is becoming increasingly unpredictable these days! And on Wednesdays I obviously am not home for nap time, I'm usually knee deep in some possession day prep for next week's turnovers around that time. 

I didn't read anything that spoke to any of my specific "issues" right now or seemed like a perfect fit for what I'm "going through" (side note, I went to hear a missionary from Africa speak last Saturday ... I don't feel like I can seriously say I'm going through anything when there aren't huge poisonous snakes lurking outside my house ...) but I finished the book I was reading and felt refreshed. Like a breath of air had filled up my weak and collapsed lungs and I was ready for the next couple days of being at home until Jordan gets home for the weekend. I was just so thankful that God's Word can do that, breathe life into dry and weary bones ... Even when you're not searching for anything in particular. Thank goodness He knows what I need. And this isn't to say that I've got this thing cased or won't ever fall into a slump or feel weary of persisting on in this mom life. But I feel confident in my God who will strengthen me and renew me when I just can't go on by myself. He's faithful and even though right now I can't see where He's going or taking me with this part of my life, I know that He is trustworthy. 

A few weeks ago I was reading during my quiet time after a particularly awful morning with my kids and he brought me to this verse in Galatians, which has become my theme verse and is the background on my phone as a constant reminder:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." 6:9

Trying to remind myself to not give up, it'll be worth it in the end. Another thing I've decided to start doing is keeping a gratitude journal, to keep my perspective and focus in the right spot. 

Today, I am so grateful for:

My support system of amazing family and wonderful friends. I always have someone to turn to when I'm feeling down or need a listening ear. I truly do have a village to raise these boys and I am so thankful. 

For times of refreshment on my deck after bedtime. 

And for a sweet little snippet of time to blog about it too ;) 

my evolution to "that hippie mom" {an earthy mom post}

Otherwise titled: "Who AM I??" 

When I was pregnant with O, we lived in a fourth-floor walk-up condo and I had very set opinions when it came to what kind of mom I would be. 

"Disposable diapers ALL THE WAY! I'm not trucking down two flights of stairs to wash my kid's dirty diapers. That's a) disgusting and b) WAY too much work!"

"Baby wearing confuses me. And it's kind of weird." 

"Buy ALL OF THE BABY PRODUCTS!" 

And it worked for us then. I probably wouldn't have stuck with cloth diapering and I felt like I held O way too much so wearing him wasn't really appealing. That was a different time, a different mind set. And I'll be honest - every time I nursed him I dreamt of bottle and formula feeding - just for a little bit of freedom. 

And I went into my pregnancy with M having the same convictions and opinions. But slowly, I was changing. 

It started with essential oils. A friend, also my boss, used them and we shared an office so I would constantly be hearing about how amazing they were, how they worked for this problem and that ailment. She invited me to go to an information night and I agreed, all the while telling Jordan how "hippie-dippy" this was and how could anyone ever spend that kind of money on something so hokey. 

Well. I had to eat my words coming home that night after buying the Family Starter Pack. Yeah. Turns out I love them. And they do work. They got me through those hard few weeks post-partum (along with other natural supplements and multivitamins) and helped with my kids' coughs and stuffy noses. Before I knew it, I was mixing up concoctions for my family to help with skin problems and other afflictions. I'm THAT woman. 

Once I had M, I realized that I didn't have enough hands, feet, extremities, to handle two children. O still needed a lot of attention and M would scream if I even THOUGHT of putting him down. (The horror!) So, I called my mom, we loaded up into her van and took our circus on the road to the local au-natural mama shop where I got a very detailed and informed lesson in baby-wearing and I bought a wrap carrier so I could have two hands and get things done while still snuggling my baby. And I loved it. A lot. We wore M a lot up until he was about 5 months when he got too big for it, so we've switched to a Bjorn until we learn a new carry position for bigger babies. (This wrap can go up to like 30 pounds and you can carry your baby on your back! How legit is that?!) But I still swear by baby wearing when it comes to grocery shopping with two kids. I honestly don't know what I would do without my carriers! 

Then came the cloth diapers. I was at Wal-Mart picking up {ANOTHER} box of diapers fort M and I looked at the price (admittedly, for the first time in a while) ... $40!!! I had to buy them, my baby needs diapers. How can Huggies charge me such an exorbitant amount of money for something required to take care of my child? Times two (because, yes, I have yet to potty train O ...)!! So the next time I saw my mother-in-law I interrogated her on cloth diapering. And after she gave me tons of info, she lent me hers. I was so nervous but hesitantly I started. And I fell in love. I can't even tell you why I love it so much. I just find it so fun. I love how M looks in only a cloth diaper and I wash them and happily stuff them every three days or so. I liked it so much I bought my own (in a different province, my BFF did the deal for me) and am just so excited to keep doing it. O won't wear them because they don't "feel" right but he's almost done (hopefully) with Pampers. But M is going to sport Bum Genius for as long as he'll let me. Plus. I put coconut oil on him instead of diaper rash cream. Yeah. This is the kind of thing I'm talking about, people. 

And to top it all off - I've been getting my kicks pinning garden ideas for this summer so I can plant a vegetable garden and "live off the land". Since when do I have a desire to plant ANYthing? 

Like I said ... WHO AM I? You guys. What's next for me? 

fiesta! {a party post}

My sister turned 21 this month. Twenty-one. Big year. 

I threw her a little fiesta one Sunday afternoon for a (gluten-free, dairy-free) lunch while my boys had a siesta. (See what I did there?) 

I sent invitations {in the mail!} and I was so excited about them. 

Then, the day after I dropped them in the mail box, I realized I put the wrong year on them AND forgot to put the location. Thank goodness for texting. #tiredmombrain 

Court wanted it to be simple ... I tried, I really did, but I just love details. So I collected jars and cans for eclectic flower vases, made a fringe banner and a flower crown for the birthday girl out of dollar store flora and fauna (just kidding, no small animals). I used a blanket that friends brought back from Peru and covered it with a clear cover for the table cloth. 

I had planned a lunch that was good for all the guests. But an hour before they were all set to arrive, the power went out! They all arrived and we decided to get gluten free pizza. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as Liz stepped out the door to go get it, the power was back! So I got to do my original meal:

Haystacks (with avocado-mango salsa)

Chips & guacamole (used Epicure guac mix)

Chile Chocolate Avocado Mousse

Strawberry Agua-Fresca 

Heavy on the avocados, I realized after I bought all the groceries. 

But it turned out okay. 

I also MAY have gone a little overboard on the gift wrap too. It involved a glue gun and left over flora. But it was so PREEEETTY!! 

Any way. It was super fun to do ... Even though I always get a little stressed before hosting people. I don't know why. But I feel bad for Jordan. He's right - it always turns out fine. 

Happy birthday to my little seeester. 

OLÉ!! 

sit {a quick post, as is any kind of sitting in this house}

I'm posting this today from my bed, under my covers, in the dark, in the middle of the day. I just woke up from a nap because - happy dance - the boys finally fell asleep at around the same time.

It's been one of those days ... Okay, weeks ... Where I've had a ton of "I can't do this" moments. I don't know why (I don't even really know how to define "this") but that very vague thought crosses my mind often. I know it's meant to ruin me, to test me and to convince me that a lie is true and that makes me even more tired than I already am. Battles of the mind are tricky ones and today, more than anything I just wanted a break from the crying and whining ... Oh, and that of the boys too! 

But right before nap time, we were all just hanging out in the living room. I love it in there because the sun comes in our big window and lights up an otherwise dim place. It's peaceful and sparse (as much as it can be with babies and toddlers around) and I was sitting there cross-legged just enjoying being with my babes. I snapped a picture because I wanted to remember that there truly are moments where I CAN do this. Where I enjoy this quickly passing time that everyone talks about but that some days can also feel like I'm trudging through molasses with a baby strapped to me and a two year old around my leg asking for treats. Even if it's not glitz and glam like all those Instagram accounts I follow (why do I do that to myself?) it's our tiny little adventure and I truly want to do it well. So maybe this is just a reminder to myself to sit ... To stop running around all the time and just drive toy cars over M's tummy or load them onto the trailer for O. And to keep fighting the battle, as hard as it may be, because it's worth it in the end.  

I'm just thankful for times to recharge {in the dark in the middle of the day} and hit the refresh button. Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP for nap time? I think we can all agree - it's the bomb-dot-com. 

terrariums {a "green thumb" post}

I've been seeing terrariums all over Pinterest these days and thought they looked so beautiful. After reading a couple tutorials on building your own, I decided it would be easy enough. So. I loaded up my boys and off to the Rona garden center we went! 

I got one of those cool carts that looks like a car but is pretty much impossible to steer, especially through the tiny garden center aisles. 

I found succulents and cacti and some soil that said "cactus" on it but that's where my success stopped. Charcoal was listed as a MUST as was sand and I couldn't find either. I was late for dinner at my parents' so I took my cacti, checked out and headed off, thinking I'd be back to find my charcoal. 

Well. Let me tell you. After two more trips (both Jordan and I went looking) I was feeling like my cacti were a waste of money. 

I did a bit more research and found out that I'd been looking in the wrong spot all along. Charcoal can be found at ... Wait for it ... 

THE PET STORE. Are. You. Kidding. Me. 

So I whipped over to Petsmart and found it all - charcoal (cleverly disguised as carbon), sand, moss. Everything a girl could want to build a terrarium. 

I had the rocks and fish bowls at home. Should have checked the size of the fishbowls first. But it worked out OK. Jordan and I built three tonight while catching up on Blue Bloods and even though they're not exactly what I was envisioning, they're pretty cute. We will have to do the other two another time when we have another container but for now I'm so happy to have some live greenery in my house. It adds something special in the middle of winter. 

However, our basement carpet now needs a super good vacuum! 

 

bag dump {a full on mom post}

Having two kids is going better than expected. I'm not a total mess (although I do have my days...) and O adapted pretty well to having M around. But boy oh boy do they need a lot of stuff. Especially both being in diapers.

One thing that I really love is having a well-stocked diaper bag. I have some essentials and some things that are nice to have. But with two kids there's a lot more to "stock" in there. So today I'm opening my diaper bag for all to see. I'll give you my "must-haves" and fill you in on the products I like best (not that I'm any sort of expert). Plus - who doesn't like seeing inside someone else's bag? I know I do. We're all snoops. Just admit it. 

My diaper bag is full to the brim - so much so that I'm wondering if I need a bigger one. Is that ok? To buy a bigger bag for more stuff? Or do I cut down on stuff? I'm a chronic over-packer so cutting down on the stuff I haul around scares me a little. We'll see ... I have a feeling the bigger bag will win out. Jordan even said I could get this one by Lily Jade. I'm undecided if it's worth the investment. Anyway. 

First off - a good bag that you will like toting everywhere. Mine is Coach (a gift from Jordan after O was born) and is pretty basic. Big pocket inside with a few little side pockets plus the two bottle holders on the outside. Does the job. 

Diapers & wipes (obviously) - Dollarama sells those Pampers 20-pack of wipes for $1.25!! I always pack WAY more diapers than I need. Maybe that's OK. 

Nursing cover, burp cloth & receiving blanket. My nursing cover is Bebe au Lait and I just use receiving blankets from Wal-Mart. I like the Bebe au Lait because it has the wire around the top so you can see what's going on in there without having to lift the cover. Very helpful for those first few weeks. 

Swaddling blanket - I always have an Aiden and Anais swaddler with me for on-the-go napping. I prefer the bamboo ones for the diaper bag because they are less stiff and take up less room than the regular muslin ones that I use at home. 

Change of clothes and drool bib for M. Just something simple in case of emergency (read: blowout). The drool bib was a gift and is Mom's Care. They come in packs of three and are SO cute. Right now it's nice to put one on M when we are out and other people are holding him - they catch spit-up really well! 

Water bottle & snacks for O. This. Is. Crucial. I cannot go anywhere without him asking for a snack. I usually bring the trifecta: yogurt covered raisins, granola bar & an apple sauce squeeze pack.  That will usually get us through a grocery shop. 

Baby Tylenol. Because that stuff rules. I should have bought stocks in it before having kids. And you never know when someone will be in need. 

Lip balm & gum. I usually do a three-point check before leaving the house. Teeth brushed? Make-up on? Deodorant? And, let's be real, I'm usually missing one of them. These little guys help me in time crunches! 

Sock-bun Donut. A gift from my sister in law. But again. Sometimes you just can't get everything in before leaving the house. This is basically a quick, pulled together hair-do on the go! 

Wallet & coupons (in the grey pouch). I'm just starting with the coupons but I think it'll come in handy for those times where we need to grab something quick. 

Mommy hook. This thing is a life saver. Go get one, even if you aren't a mom! 

Pens. They play a plethera of roles. But it's important to carry at least one! 

Hand sanitizer. (Again - obvious.) 

Extra soothers (in the soother pouch). For times when you lose THE one (or a friend needs one ... Had that happen before). 

Not pictured: bags for dirty diapers when you're not by a proper disposal site. Essential. And a changing pad. And band-aids. 

There you have it! Everything I take with me on a daily basis. If you ever need something - I probably have it! 

don't worry. {a lesson from the change table}

I had just fed the baby. I had changed the baby. I was trying to draft some semblance of a grocery list at the kitchen island while the baby contentedly gnawed on his hands in the swing in the living room. My two year old was happily emptying all his plastic cutlery into my kitchen aid mixer. (Where do they come up with this stuff?!) I felt a bit of peace in the day after what felt like an eternity of crying and bouncing and Curious George. All of a sudden the screaming started - I tried at first to ignore but it got more persistent so I went to the swing and swept him up in my arms. I immediately knew he was due for another diaper change. As I carried him to the change table set up in his room, with him crying all the louder, I whispered "I know what you need. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. You don't need to ever worry. Mom's got it all taken care of." I was kind of taken aback when those words resonated deep within my own heart. 

I often scream and kick and throw a fit when I need something from God. But I forget he already knows what I need and He's got it taken care of. I shouldn't doubt for a second that He will give me exactly what I need when I need it. Even in this season of life where I'm tired and exhausted and totally wiped when I wake up each morning, God knows what I need and He carries me. I've made it through two months already. I get overwhelmed when I think about the future, the next few months seem like a do-over I don't really want - baby life isn't exactly my favourite. But He carried me once, He'll do it again. It's so easy to forget but I want that truth to stick with me - to allow the peace of the Lord to settle in my heart and mind even in the times I think He's not hearing me. He is. May I rest in that truth. 

waiting {a post on patience and trust and contentment}

I wrote this post on Tuesday after a particularly hard night. I've been sitting on it all week, unsure if I should post it & making sure my heart still was aligned with what I said at the end. I still feel confident putting this out there as the desire of my heart. It's not for sympathy. Just want to record what God (and my husband) have been impressing on me in the waiting. 

It's been 46 days. Our condo has been sitting on the market for forty-six days. We've had five showings. 

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant with our second child. 

That means we have approximately six weeks to sell this condo and buy a new place. 

I'm stressed. I'm anxious. I'm feeling hopeless. 

I keep going over how we'll make it work if we don't sell on time. I cry when I think about it. We live in a fourth-floor walk-up. I know it's such a typical #firstworldproblems situation. But I still can't stop crying. Maybe it's the hormones. Yes. We'll say it's the hormones. 

I sat on my couch this morning after another sleepless night staring down at my Bible, frantically searching for some sort of reassurance from The Lord. My eyes and brain weren't connecting to the pages.

You know how stuff around your house gets so familiar that you barely notice it anymore? I made a wall hanging a few years ago that quotes a favourite verse from Habakkuk:

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation." (3:18)

I glanced up and noticed it, for the first time in a while. YET. Yet. Three little letters with powerful gusto behind them. Jordan's been trying to tell me how I need to trust that things will work out. I've asked "How?" more times than I care to admit on the internet. I know God cares for his children - I know the promises of the Bible and the command to trust and to throw your anxieties on Him. But it's taking a lot of convincing my heart to truly believe. 

It's time for my head and my heart to connect. Timing isn't an issue for God. He's done a lot more amazing things than getting families moved out of their house "on time". 

I breathe in. I breathe out. I can't control who comes to see our place or when it will sell. But I can be content and joyful despite stressful circumstances. That's totally in my control because The Lord of my salvation has promised to take care of us. 

I will still hope for a quick sale and that we can find a new place before baby arrives - as unlikely as that seems - but I can't let this control my joy. It will be a daily decision but I want to learn how to do that well. I know it won't be an overnight transformation but my heart is open to change. 

in a flash {a motherhood moment}

This morning I had a moment where I realized how quickly time is passing. I peeked around the corner into the living room while I was making breakfast to see O building a train out of Duplo. When I peeked again he had it all put together and was pushing it around .. "choo choo!" 

How did he get so big? This was the baby that I thought would never sit up on his own ... And now he can open a box of Duplo, build a train and drag it around? What? 

This was the baby I brought home from the hospital and felt so overwhelmed by ... Now he's going to be a big brother. He's so caring and nurturing with babies and is such a big kid. 

I just stood there watching with this silly grin on my face. In the midst of the hard things that parenting a toddler brings, I treasured this sweet moment of progress and it felt wonderful. It hasn't been an easy road thus far but I am so thankful for this little boy and the adventure he brings wherever he goes. 

Cherish these tiny moments of joy - they're gone in a flash (as cliche as that sounds). Lesson learned today before breakfast. 

hold 'em close {a hard lesson in motherhood}

I've been debating about posting this as it shows me at a pretty raw moment in mothering. But I want to make this blog more of a place of encouragement and real-life stuff rather than only fun, surface level posts. I've been reading another blog lately that has really challenged me as a mom and wife and I really appreciate her writing and honesty. So I want to be upfront about the challenges of life while still sharing fun and pretty things as well. We will see how this turns out. {Also: Sorry for being MIA for so long....}
It happened about a week ago. I was rushing around in the morning trying to get ready for work while simultaneously trying to get O ready to go to his grandma's for the day. There's so much to do and I keep telling myself I'll prep more the night before but that just doesn't happen. We were both clothed and I was working on lunch for myself and snacks to send along with O when I snapped. Completely snapped.
I'd made breakfast, which he threw over the edge of his high chair spraying oatmeal across my dining room and up the leg of my clean pants. I cleaned up the mess with a paper towel because none of my cloths were clean and I'd changed. I took him out of his high chair and he just followed me around, crying and whining and throwing himself on the floor. I knew in my head it was typical toddler stuff but I was so done already. I was tired after not sleeping well and I just wanted to crawl back into bed while also wishing to escape to the office where things were easy, where I was good at what I do and where my child wasn't. I felt awful. But also relieved that it was almost 7:40 so we could start heading out. Then he proceeded to start pinching my legs as I tried to work around him and finally I stopped, looked down at him and yelled: "I am getting ready to spank you so hard!"
As soon as the words were out of my mouth I was so ashamed. He is one. He was so shocked by my outburst that he just crumpled to the floor and cried. I looked down at him, and my earthly self wanted to just walk away. I was so frustrated. But with some strength that was not of me, I bent down, swept him up in my arms and just hugged him so tight. I wanted him to know that I loved him and that he was safe. I hope he knew. He hugged me back and it was the best feeling in the world. I looked at the clock. 7:39. I decided that we just needed a minute. We sat on the couch and cuddled for five. It was worth it.
I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was so busy that I totally ignored what my child needed from me - just some love. A simple five minute snuggle and he would have been good to go. I probably could have got a lot more done if I'd just taken the time to hold him close. It was a lesson I won't forget - I'm trying to work in a little cuddling each morning, even if it's only for a few seconds. He mostly wants to "go go go" anyway. But I just want to take time out from the chaos of life to really love and be there. O is a pretty independent little guy but I know he still needs me when he lifts his small hands up towards me and rests in my arms when I pick him up. I am challenged to treasure these moments because I know they'll be gone without warning.
It also makes me thankful for the love of Christ and how it goes against all human understanding. Our sins make him so angry yet he sweeps us up and holds us close. He wants to be the place where we rest. I hope to be the outpouring of that incredible love on my own son because he doesn't know Jesus as his Saviour yet. How great a privilege that we as moms and dads have to show Jesus to our kids every day! Would I not take this lightly but be intentional in my interactions and turn to the Lord in all struggle.
He holds me tight so I can in turn hold my baby close in the midst of this crazy life.

taco rice bowl {in the kitchen}

On the way home from work the other day, I was trying to conjure up a new dinner dish using ground beef. Spaghetti and chili were getting a bit old and besides, Oakley doesn't like tomato sauce {seriously. What kid doesn't like spaghetti?!}. I really liked the idea of tacos but we didn't have any tortillas or shells so I started thinking about putting it over rice. I love rice bowls and I love tacos. A good combination, I'd say!

Here's what I did:

Ingredients - 

2 lb ground beef

1/2 onion

1/2 red pepper

2 cups chopped fresh spinach

1 cup halved cherry tomatoes

1/2 cubed avocado

1 cup diced cucumber

taco seasoning

1 cup cooked rice

ranch dressing 

salsa

Brown beef with onion and pepper. Season to taste with taco seasoning.

Meanwhile, start cooking rice. {Invest in a rice cooker if you haven't already ... it's my favourite kitchen appliance!}

While things are browning and cooking, chop spinach, tomatoes, avocado and cucumber. 

Put rice in bowl, spoon beef mixture over rice & top with veggies and desired sauce {if any}.

It was a healthy, filling supper that really turned out well! 

mini aprons {a sewing, DIY post}

This month, I decided to sew a couple little aprons for some sweet girls in my life. One had a birthday {three years old!} and the other was for Christmas {my adorable niece}. I used my high school home-ec knowledge {and skills. MAD skills} and made my own pattern out of kraft paper. I used a simple cotton fabric and double-wide bias tape for the strings. I also cut out some heart shapes for cute little pockets. I forgot to take measurements before I wrapped them up but here are some pictures ... MINI aprons. How much cuter can you get??

Little heart pockets for cute little hands!

Pink dotted aprons for playing or helping in the kitchen!

I loved using my {grandma's} sewing machine ... it felt good to make something!

stripes, cords & leopards {a work outfit post}

I work in a great office where our dress code is pretty casual. We can wear {nice} jeans if we want but are free to dress it up whenever we feel like it. I often wear nice pants {non-denim} and then get creative with my top{s} and accessories. It's a fun change from my at-home wardrobe and a chance to come up with some different ideas or try out things I've seen in magazines or online. This outfit is from a couple weeks ago. The concept of stripes and animal print has been done before, but I just liked how this whole combo came together. Plus I had just got these awesome green cords in the mail and had to make an outfit to include them!

Details:

Cords - GAP 

Cardigan - Banana Republic

Striped Tank - GAP

Grey Tank - Old Navy

Leopard Flats - Payless

Necklace - ALDO

anchors aweigh! {a birthday bash post}

Did you know that that's the right way to spell "anchors aweigh"? It's not "anchors away" like so many people write. I was blown away when researching "sailor terminology" for O's birthday party. (Yes, I am that nerdy mom.) We planned a nautical party for him (of course) and I had so much fun. Lots of things were Pinterest-inspired and I was happy with how it all turned out! Here's a look at our little man's big day …

Fishbowls and vases full of candy and treats for our guests. 

(I had wanted to tie all of them around but the fishbowls were a bit TOO round!)

This clever label is a copy from Pinterest. 

In case your'e wondering, this is how we got blue punch … er, Ocean Water.

Lemonade

Raspberry Lemonade Kool-Aid Mix 

(to make it blue)

Sprite

Mix to taste. 

(Read: my husband made it. I have no idea what sort of portioning he used.)

My ah-may-zing sister-in-law, Justine (who also hosted the party) 

whipped up this chalk art to welcome people.

When she said "I'll write 'Happy Birthday Oakley' …" I was NOT expecting this.

But it was incredible (and VERY much appreciated!)

I made this banner out of construction paper … I had originally planned to cut them into triangles, which is why they aren't square, but ended up liking the rectangle look.

I got those striped bunting banners off Pinterest too. Find them (along with other pretty printables) here.

He loved his cupcake smash. 

Too much. 

It was awesome.

I did a little photo shoot for his birthday.

It took SO long to get this picture because he was so busy just being crazy & bouncing the balloons out of the crib constantly.

Cupcakes!

Chocolate Recipe

White Recipe

Buttercream Recipe

The cupcake liners and toppers are from DOLLARAMA! Yes. You read right. 

My good friend Krista found them for me! 

I took a picture of Oakley every month for a whole year and displayed the pictures at the party. 

It was really cool to see them all together! 

I was so blessed by all the friends and family who came to celebrate with us. We had a good time visiting and eating and eating and eating. (I may have gone a bit overboard on the whole food thing.)

I know Oakley won't remember his first birthday but it was more a celebration for Jordan and I and a chance to show appreciation to those people who helped us through his first year. It was a bit over the top but I was super pleased with it and will probably tone things down for the next few years until he can have an "actual" birthday party with little friends whose parents I don't need to feed too! 

Thanks for taking our little birthday bash tour! 

Time, Expectations and Reality {a birthday-eve post}

Tomorrow is a day that I have been waiting for for an entire year. I have literally counted down months, days, hours. I've been making plans and dreaming of everything this day would bring.
Tomorrow my baby is one. A whole one year old. This year has been the most trying, exhausting, terrible, wonderful, amazing year of my life. Becoming a mom threw me into the steepest learning curve I've ever encountered and I experienced a lot of self-doubt and a lot of tears. But I also learned the joy of loving someone so deeply you would do anything for them, including losing sleep and sanity!
I'll be honest, I built up the one-year mark to be a huge beacon of hope ... when O was one, we would be sleeping twelve wonderful hours every night (we're not). When O was one, he would take a bottle - no problem - and I wouldn't have to nurse him anymore (I'm still nursing and pumping at work because he won't take anything else). When O was one, things would be easy, I'd have it all figured out (I don't). This isn't to be discouraging ... things that were hard when O was small ARE easy now, but each stage brings new challenges. I'm realizing that this "milestone" is just a part of the journey. Yes, it's exciting and wonderful and I look back on this year with awe and a sense of accomplishment. But it's not going to solve all our problems and I'm learning to be OK with that. If I have to pump every day at work for another month or two, I guess that's fine. Eventually things will work themselves out ... right?
If you're a new mom or preparing to welcome a little one into your family for the first time - take heart! Yes, it's difficult. I have not worked very hard at hiding that this year {maybe a little TOO open at times?} But it gets easier ... these struggles you're having now, whether that be feeding, sleeping, loneliness ... you'll learn to cope and you'll get through. I promise. This is coming from someone who honestly didn't know if she'd make it to her son's first birthday. Seriously. Those first months were a dark time for me. And maybe they aren't or won't be for you and that is GREAT. I'm thrilled for you. But if you feel like you're having an out-of-body experience and don't know if you'll ever find your way back to your old self - you're not alone. I want to encourage you and make sure you know that doing your best - even when it seems like you're failing - is all you can do. I'm still learning this lesson. But. I think I'm finally starting to believe it.
I am also starting to be able to look back on this year and see God's faithfulness, his hand in those hard times that carried me through and the lessons he wanted to teach me are beginning to surface. Lessons of selflessness, contentment, a posture of continual prayer before the Throne and a deep dependance on the One who knows my heart and knows exactly what I'm going through. Tough lessons that came through tough times, but I look at my little man and I'm so thankful.
I am truly blessed by this small dude - I love watching him grow and learn. It's such a fun journey. I want to go into this next year not wishing away each day. The days were long but the months flew. I know it's cliche, but enjoying each day and each stage is truly a struggle for me. I'm not a baby person. But he'll only be one once. He will never been one day, one week, one month again. And there are days I miss that time.
Anyway.
Tomorrow. O will be one. And I will take pictures and celebrate. And I'll prep for our big {possibly over-the-top?} party on Saturday. Because it's a big deal. But after Saturday, life goes on as usual. I will continue to work on getting O to drink cow's milk and sleep through the night. And pray. A lot.

Happy Birthday to my spunky, smiley, sweet little boy. We love you.

printed pants in the fall {a casual outfit post}

It snowed where I live today. Snowed. I feel like fall just got here and I was getting my wardrobe all switched over to light jackets and sweaters and riding boots. And now the reality that winter is just around the corner hit me square between the eyes. So sad. All those cute clothes will be hidden underneath heavy coats. Hopefully this first snow doesn't last long ... I haven't even got O a winter jacket yet!
I only have one pair of skinny (blue) jeans right now and often don't feel like wearing them everyday - I like to switch it up ... and also wash my clothes. So I had been wearing my red and tan skinnies off and on but was totally avoiding my floral printed pants. They are decidedly summery and in light of the snow, I wasn't feeling overly summery today. But while O was napping this morning and I got ready, I made the call to try and make my floral pants work for fall. I need more options for daily outfits ... the mom uniform of jeans and a tee worked for a while but I like to step it up a notch - especially with my return to work coming so soon! I really like layers, mixing patterns and being cozy which can be observed on my "Fashionology" pinboard. I kind of went crazy in that department. Anyway. Here's the outfit I came up with today for running errands ... which didn't actually happen because O ended up being super sick and just wanting to lay on the couch all day. I caught up on all my recorded shows and enjoyed the snuggles, but my poor little man was not himself! Hopefully tomorrow he will be back up and running.

Outfit Details:

Floral Pants - GAP

Cable Knit Sweater - Bluenotes 

Jean Jacket - Old Navy

Boots - Payless 

These boots are my amazing find of the season - I usually can't wear riding boots because of my calves. I wouldn't say they're big but they don't fit into most boots. These gems from Payless are "extended calf" - I can wear tall boots with a zipper AND still have room for boot socks! Dream = fulfilled. 

Bonus: I could even wear this in the snow and not be frozen (yet)!